I wrote this some time ago. It has been a while since I have posted here. It has been four months out, and things are much better than they were. I am physically and emotionally healthy and am pursuing the good life with grand eagerness. Enjoy.
Yesterday, while in one of my psychology classes, we were discussing fetal alcohol syndrome holding women legally responsible if they drink while pregnant. Somehow this discussion got side-tracked into abortion. A young gentleman from the South, made it clear that he was against all forms of abortion, which is typical for the South mentality. This elicited a lot of strong feelings from some of the females in my class. When abortion due to rape was mentioned, the gentleman responded with a pretty good analogy of how the child would still prefer to live, and asking what about the child’s right to live.
For some reason, this really pushed a particular girl’s buttons in the class that I like to refer to as a man-eater. She was livid with him. Saying that she wished that every male, especially white-male, would be raped, because then we would see things differently. She then went on a man-hating tirade about how white-males have controlled the world for 4,000 years, imposing their tyranny on women, and how we have no right to have an opinion on this matter… typical male hatred stuff.
This opened up a whole can of worms for me. Lately, I have been struggling with a lot of resentment towards some of my friends and especially my family considering their outlook on what I went through in my relationship. I had an extremely sweet, kind, and timid female cousin who was married to someone I believe has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He never physically abused her, but he psychologically and emotionally abused her to the point that she committed suicide. It is a really touchy subject in our family. Everyone blames him for what he did, and holds him completely responsible and views him as his actions as evil.
Yes, the big bad aggressive male hurting the poor timid girl usually elicits this response. But, when discussing the things my exbpdgf did to me, my family just doesn’t feel the same way. I was close to suicide… self medicating on old anti-depressants/mood stabilizers from my bipolar days, and down to 127 lbs from my usual 145 weight. I was so messed up, and barely holding my head above water. They have no idea how hard it was for me just to wake up and face the world each day. 99% of my thoughts were concerning her, and the agony associated with her. Yet, my friends and family, some of whom had witnessed at least somewhat of her abusive behaviors, acted like I should “just get over her” or “it is no big deal, you are a man and can handle yourself just fine.”
I am sorry if I offend any women on this board for saying this, but I am extremely pissed at the view society has on female abuse towards a male. I don’t know why it is viewed as cute or funny when a woman throws a dish at a mans head, or drives over him with her car, or even slaps him when he says something she doesn’t like… this is abuse, pure and simple.
If the sexes were reciprocated – I was female and she was male, I am sure my friends and family would be viewing this situation completely different. They probably would have been at my door, protecting me from her and getting me help and police assistance after one of her violent rages. Yet, when I called the police to report a suicide threat and domestic violence, I was the one searched, background checked, and questioned….
Even my own mother acts like this was no big deal, that my ex was just “crazy” and that’s that, almost no sympathy that I was extremely emotionally, verbally and physically abused by a very out of control woman… and that I was letting myself endure the abuse.
Once again, if I would have been, say, my little sister, my father would have had the man’s head on a platter and my mom would have been checking her into therapy for “battered woman syndrome” before the sun set.
Worse yet is the response I have been receiving by mutual friends of ours. They intimately know my side of the story, they know how this has affected me and how I was so depressed and beaten down…. Yet, they still act like I should just get over her and it should be no big deal if I run into her at a party or find out that they are still communicating with her. Trust me, this would be completely different if I was a female being abused by a male. They wouldn’t be caught dead communicating with “him.”
I am sorry, but if I found out that one of my friends spouses or partners was abusing them, I WOULD NEVER retain communication with that person and why would I want to! I may yet have to cut more friends out of my life for their refusal to respect this.
Two of my favorite books are “The Alienist” and “Angel of Darkness” by Caleb Carr. These books directly deal with society’s view on women as being timid, divine, and incapable of violence. I really love the growth of Keizler, the psychiatrist and how his views on women change dramatically. If you haven’t read these books, they are a MUST READ and are very entertaining. I think you will especially enjoy Angel of Darkness, because in my opinion, the villain is an out of control borderline struggling with finding her identity.
In conclusion, there is no difference between the sexes when it comes to violence and poor behavior. It is not cute or funny when either a female or male abuses their partner. It should be taken seriously no matter what sex the offender is.
Also, just because I am a man and can supposedly protect myself if I needed to, this does not take away my hardships of enduring abusive behavior. I have been punched, kicked, bit, clawed, hair pulled, hand slammed in the door, things thrown at me, possessions destroyed while I was helpless to prevent her from destroying them, and even run over by her with her car. NONE OF THIS was cute or funny, and ALL OF THIS was extremely emotionally damaging to me, even if I could have physically prevented these from happening.
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