Do borderlines get better or worse with age?

Define better...

When i first met my uBPDgf she was under constant crisis mode. She would always change her life goals, aspirations and plans on a dime. She was much more unstable, with everyone not just me, acted out her emotions by doing crazy things like jumping out of moving cars or cutting herself, etc.

She was, however, more receptive to the idea that she had something to do with her pain. Even though I was constantly accused of trying to leave her or hurting her, I was still ultimately painted "white" or "needed".

As our relationship has progressed into our 3rd year, she has overtime become much more emotionally stable. The fights are fewer and farther in between, but the HATRED for me has multiplied ten fold. She constantly blames me for everything. She stands up for herself now, whenever she feels that I am hurting her, rather than running from her problems or crazy-making. She does this by making me out to be the soul source of her pain. I am the bad guy, the villain, the abuser....

Instead of her constantly worrying about me abandoning her, she now constantly abandons me. Instead of her inflicting pain upon herself, she inflicts pain upon me. Her confidence, which was once non-existent, is now almost NPD worthy. She is not the issue, I am the issue.

All in all, I think she is more emotionally stable now as far as functioning goes, but her ANGER has become out of control. She never used to be an angry person, just an overly emotional wreck. Now the emotional wreck has turned into the devil incarnate.

She even explained to me during one of her rare "logical" modes, that when she is in pain, she converts the pain into HATE and it literally makes her pain go away. After she broke up with me the last time, it took days and days to bring her down from her angry rule. I had to endure criticism and hatred to the max before I was able to calm her emotions down and help her make sense of them.

I feel she is more dangerous now. Before, during crisis mode, I was constantly worried about her safety. The cutting, the suicidal threats, the frantic cries for help were awful to endure. I would sit awake for hours worrying and trying to solve her drama for her. It was a living hell, but at the same time, rewarding for my "rescuer" personality.

Now, I don't fear her safety at all. I fear what she will do to me, emotionally and physically. When she gets in this mode, she forgets herself completely and changes into her idealized "strong" self. She forgets her commitments, her loving memories, and everything that made her relationship with me worth it. She replaces all of this with hate. While she is in this mode, i feel a new sort of helplessness. I feel cheated, used, abused and lost. Feelings I never experienced while she was in crisis mode.

So when we define better, I really do not no what was worse. Honestly, these days have been better because I think it is less damaging emotionally and financially while she is anger but safe, rather than worrying about getting through each day. I can sort of relax now and let her take care of her own life.

On the contrary, my self-esteem has become really shot when she devalues me and makes our relationship out to be crap (yeah i know this is codependent thinking, I am working on it...) . After looking back, it has been very loving and worth it at times, that is honestly why I have stuck with it. I really cant think of a better partner than her during her normal periods. I just fear my time is coming to an end with her. That her hatred is going to take over and cause her to leave me for good. I know this behavior will just continue on with her next relationship, it just sucks knowing that we have come so far, made HUGE progress (no more crisis, she can hold a job and she has begun to gain a sense of self-esteem and self image.... before hand she was so lost) and still end up being ditched and discarded because she still cannot seem to gain any sort of understanding of Object Constancy. Her demands are becoming more and more rigid and it seems like I am running out of "Outs" with her.

Many of you may wonder why I choose to stick with it. Even after I have gone through the therapy, the books, the self-esteem make-over and my self-confidence and communication skills has improved immensely, I feel as if I am losing myself and her. I know everyone says this about their SOs, but I really have enjoyed the good times more than I have enjoyed anything else in my life. The times where she isn't under stress, is thinking clearly, and can let her personality shine, she is the most amazing friend, lover, companion that I have ever been with. I don't believe this is all just fantasy, or hoovers, or control. I really feel its genuine and without this BPD/Codependency issues that we both have, our relationship would be roses. This is why I feel I become so lost when I lose her.

So as I reflect back on my 3 year relationship, it is very hard to define "better" or "worse" than it was previously.