The Borderline Stigma

I think of it as a bit of an injustice the stigma that is attached to borderline personality disorder. I myself am even guilty of spreading this stigma. I guess that is one of the coping methods of us Non-borderline partners have in making sense of all the drama and pain.

There are more active sites dedicated to the Nons (the partner who DOESN'T have BPD) by far than for those struggling with BPD. aka bpdfamily.com , shrink4men.wordpress.com , gettinbetter.com and so forth.

Truth be told, I do not hate her, my bpd partner.

As i described in my previous post, I am in love with her Dr. Jekyll persona. It is this love affair that has kept me coming back for more doses of Mr. Hyde.

Having struggled with multiple mental illnesses throughout my life (Bipolar II disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, etc) it is hard not to be sympathetic to borderline personality disorder. I think the main problem with borderline personality, is the constant attacking of the one who is closest to the BPD. They literally bite the hand that feeds.

Many therapists refuse to accept borderlines into therapy. This is due to two prominent reasons.

1: The therapist cannot take the constant abuse. When a borderline becomes attached to a therapist, the same worship/devalue splitting methods occur here as well. At first, they look up to the therapist as their personal savior. There have been many accounts of borderlines trying to seduce their therapists. When the therapist either rejects their advanced or otherwise loses the halo that the borderline has placed upon their head, the borderline begins to devalue them. Sexual harassment and abuse fabrications are common as a result. Unfortunately, a therapist is only human, and just like a relationship partner, cannot stand the devaluation and raging episodes. A lot of the times, the therapist will actually fire the borderline from further treatment. Many therapists describe working with a borderline to be on par with a schizophrenic, but without the constant psychosis. Here is a person, who under normal circumstances may be able to hold a job, perfectly function in society, and be mostly emotionally stable. However when they enter therapy, they can become enraged by the therapist not meeting their "needs", go on verbal tirades and even become physically violent. In my opinion, it is easier to accept schizophrenia than it is borderline psychosis. This can be very frustrating to a therapist.

2: Mental health professionals often don't know how to properly treat BPD. This i would say is the bigger of the two problems. New techniques for treating borderlines are still in their infant stages. Heated debates on which form of therapy is superior are constant. Also, there is still no hard evidence in the proper medication for borderlines.

In short, borderlines are difficult patients to treat medically and therapeutically.

In decades earlier, Bipolar Disorder was viewed much in the same way. In fact, some doctors were so frustrated that they ended up performing lobotomies and electro shock therapy as a last resort. Today, Bipolar Disorder is considered a highly treatable mental illness with proper medication and therapy.

I know, myself being bipolar, that being viewed as a hopeless case would be detrimental to my own recovery.

Fortunately for borderline personality disorder, there have been exciting new advances in techniques to treating BPD.

Hopefully one day, these methods will be as accepted as those for treating bipolar disorder are.

For those of you who have accused me of labeling or stigmatizing borderline personality disorder, i offer my apologies. In my effort to gain emotion freedom from my tormentor, I have often vilified more than just her behaviors. Her behaviors do not define her. I reject the all-incompassing notion that her "good" behaviors were a fake super-ego self. Deep down, i knew her potential because at times, I witnessed it for myself, that is what hurt the most.

There is nothing i would wish for more than her recovery. The things I would sacrifice if I had the ability to sacrifice such things would be monumental. Unfortunately, my sanity, self-love, ambitions, and reality are not the price that i needed to pay for her recoverery. Ultimately it will be up to her to take action, a concept i still struggle with to this day.


This is a work in progress, refer back for updates.